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In Tangible Company

by No Stranger

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1.
... 00:46
2.
Do you hear the well bell ringing? It's time to fall in line and out of love with your lofty dreams. So tell me, do you feel different or special like they promised after four short years despite the nights spent crying till the sunrise at your desk, surrounded by our loneliness? Spill to me all of your regrets so I can feel validated. Take a seat here beside me on the railway and we will wait. You and me, my intangible company, waiting for tomorrow and a train back home.
3.
Lying in my room, immobile in my bed, I'm paralyzed and stuck, and soon this fickle thorn in my side will keep me from noticing the morning light. These arms are soft, plush but somehow strong enough to keep me comfortable while squeezing the light from my eyes as I crack my spine. This eastern winter so unexpected left me bereft of answers you would love for me to tell when you ask, "What's wrong?" But my throat's frozen over. So I'll sigh and look at the time and act like I meant to wake up this late. You know you're an adult when the snow makes your blood boil.
4.
Ackerman 05:08
I remember that Sunday afternoon when I said my goodbyes to you as I shouldered the bags that I had brought from afar to that old college house that was warm in the autumn cold. The crackle of skin and fallen leaves were ever so inviting. But we moved on and away. I remember that dark November night overlooking the upstate lights after hours on road spent as far as it could go. I was late to the party by a couple years. Now I sit here reminiscing of the morning littered on the floor with wasted cans of beer that we left behind under a grayscale sky as you showed me your new home. I never knew such a vast panoramic view would bring me so close to you. It was so cold, but we didn't seem to mind 'cause we were having the time of our lives. I wouldn't even trade the memories of the rest stops on the way or the five weather patterns I braved. Over endless Appalachia beneath the moonlit glare. If there is a heaven, we found it there. I never took any pictures, for I knew that the sight would last for the rest of my life.
5.
Fairhill 04:56
These winding limestone hills wear out my legs and take the same toll on my brain when I find myself lost in the trees and thoughts of you. Of you and of us, a product of our mothers' love: sudden, so sure, and here we are, glad that you said hello at all. Seventeen years, longer than most things I've endured. I never grew weary of ways we'd find time to be ignored underneath the first floor of your parents' house. It was long past twelve. The hours spent so well. I trespassed through the woods we knew so well between our houses and knocked on your doorway despite your emploring that I could just walk in like you did in mine. Oh, I never could be bothered to mind the surprise. And I'll admit that's why I don't wanna move back home at all. Seventeen years and now hundreds of miles lie in between us. I remained here, only slightly surprised while you moved up to Boston. Did you pack your bags with all the memories of what we once called our old home lives that we left behind in Delaware? We will remember every December.
6.
Cornerstone 04:17
O Jesus! Are you near? For the children sing with no fear. Weekly I have found myself wondering if there is a hell after all. I'll maintain this charade so long as they keep their tilted heads at bay. Inquisitive arms across their chests. Oh my God! Can we just change the subject? Saint Francis softly sings a melancholy melody, for no one is listening to his treatise on humility passed on at last. Don't be so quick to pat my back. I swallowed my pride just for the taste. Somehow my hunger was satiated or at least abated by the choir praising God above, joyful in their boundless love. It's not about me but the love that I see between their hands in the passing of the peace. Hands that brush together like the ones that I remember in the darkened sanctuary after hours. I was sixteen when I fell in love for the very first time and tore at my chest for every subsequent lie we told ourselves every Sunday morn and evenings afterward. I nearly killed myself trying to admit I couldn't love her. O Memory! Why won't you leave me be? Is there something on my skin that makes me taste so sweet like this bloody wine I just cannot bring myself to drink? With Francis I will sing a faint, forgotten harmony, for I have found in me a lyric worth remembering from when we were young and unreserved. O Jesus! Are you near? For we sing with no fear. Regardless if I've felt your hands, I am clean and full again.
7.
Three Words 03:47
Three words exchanged on the phone today. First time in a while. And there was no voice on the other end, raspy from the cigarettes I wish you wouldn't smoke, but who am I to stop you? The one in the background. Why did I allow this to drift away across the lines of these states and city scapes dotted with colored lights that neither of us want to like? Oh, I don't make the trek up north 'cause I've never got the cash I'm wasting flipping through photos and memories of you, the one in the background. I'm taking my place I've always known with us, though you may disagree, and as much as I hate to say it, I want you to carry on without me.
8.
The sound of silence on the couch is wearing me out and ringing in my ears. I thought I'd be happy here, content with slowing down. In so many words I could explain what it's like to have nothing to say. But here we are, expectant stares and vacant hearts. Maybe it's something outside, something so much bigger that you or I could know or comprehend. For now I'll find solace in your shaking hands. You should know this is so much better than living on my own, but in the hallway I have met a wraith who says nothing more than "Your life is a waste." I'll never get away, so I'm giving up on finding safety in some other foreign place. With open arms and a bandaged heart, I let the ghost under my arch and left him locked past closet doors with old and yellowed bones. Blight infested in my head takes a bite out of my weary neck. At last, at the day's end, I'll find solace on our unmade bed. In so few words I became unafraid of no longer having anything to say.
9.
Oh what a shame this apartment pushed me away just in time for me to fall back in love with these old hallowed halls. That is to say, I never really thought it'd end this way. Half-hearted goodbyes at my heels and no shoulder to the wheel. This is my apology to these groves of willows I never got to know any better. In favor of a window pane pink in January mornings, I gave away all their leaves. A body is built to withstand only so much, and with a withered white rose in hand, you fell out of love with a job, with a man, with an idea of home. And I left you all alone. All that I can give to you I left behind in willow trees. Their bending branches shun the sky. Oh, I've lost.
10.
Vacant 04:34
So that's it. A hand falls to my side. A doorknob click sticks to the freshly vacant walls. I am the replacement, recalled, withdrawn, reluctant to be the last one to remain. We've grown up now in and out of our parents' houses, but we haven't got a clue. It would've been so nice to sort it out with you. Perhaps we did. Your persistent fist and eyes to the sun where what took you back home while I got so much better at saying no. Let's take a walk down Easton Road as see what must have changed in the pavement. in the leaves between you and me. For we've grown up now and have papers to prove it, so we might as well move out and find some way to use them. We have not been where we will go. Maybe I'll see you there.
11.
South Easton 05:02
The trees have come alive and colorful just like the flushed cheeks of everyone around me, revitalized just in time for a running start on the rest of our lives. And I will remain here. Maybe in ten years I'll regret singing about feeling left behind by people who tried to do something with their lives, but I know that I found my home in you. I held a diamond to the sun. In counting the sides I found that love exists outside a kiss. In the endless pages of these faces lie people of all kinds who've touched my heart in some small way, and I could not complain. I have spent these precious last weeks counting our golden moments. There's a little bit of envy in the best of us. I know I'll be leaving soon, but I'll leave impressed. I've learned some words of advice I'd like to share: "I always have a fine time right were I am, whomever I'm with. Why, I'm having a fine time right now with you." So I'll do my best not to get too jealous as you walk triumphant down the aisle in your caps and gowns. For if there's one thing I've learned these past four years, it's that we all get to where we're going somehow.

credits

released July 13, 2018

No Stranger as heard on In Tangible Company is:
Jonathan Cooney - vocals, guitars
Luke Anderson - bass, keys
Sam Barry - guitars
Gil Gonzalez - drums

Written, performed, and produced by No Stranger
Engineered by Matthew Frank at Atlas Studios and Emaciated Raiden in Chicago, IL
Album art by Dani Leon, Connor Feimster, and Laura Cooney

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No Stranger Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Every song is a love song.

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