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Onward

by No Stranger

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1.
Come with me and together we’ll wash our skin until it shines. We’ll dance in slow motion; in the water, we are divine. Everyone high up in the balcony will watch every single step, wishing they could move the way we do. Smile for me, darling. Lock your fingers with mine so I can keep them from trembling. I know it’s cold, but it would be absurd if it were warm as the nights got longer. This sudden ice is scary, I’ll admit. It’s warmer in the water, if only by a little. It’s warmer in the water than trapped in the ice. Some say it’s better to be frozen, never needing to move. They’d frown upon the tears that cut through the ice and free you. But I say it’s better to be slow, as long as you can swim, for there’s something better hidden deep within. You never disappointed me.
2.
If there's one thing I'm excited for, it's the timely end to all the horror stories that she told me all too frequently of all the times you moaned and whined when you didn't get your way. How I'd love to give you a piece of my mind, but I know it won't change a thing. So fuck you and your endless stacks of laundry scattered on the floor and your tacit misogyny and baseless entitlement, as if you could benefit anyone but you because all you're good at is abuse. How I'd love to give you a piece of my mind. It probably wouldn't work. We'd probably just get burned like all the joints you smoked when she wasn't home and all the food you wasted, fifty dollars worth a week, but I guess it's not a big deal when you've got your parents paying for everything even when you act like you don't want them to. You had so much potential to be a nice guy, but you threw it all away with your passive-aggressive, demeaning obsession with making my girlfriend your maid. You had so much potential to be a nice guy, but you never even gave it a try.
3.
I’d fill my lungs with iron for you, dust expelled from the railroad. Speed trains nor freeways could get me to you soon enough, no matter how fast they go. If I could, I would jump and spin the globe underneath and place myself in the fields of the Lakota. I’d walk to your location where the phones don’t reach and never stop until I see your smile. It’s been a long time since I’ve forgotten what longing feels like. Don’t want to remind myself that I’m sleeping all alone tonight. The photos in my room that once welcomed me make me wish that you had never left. It’s selfish, I know, but it’s hard to fall asleep alone in a double-sized bed.
4.
Deluge 03:16
Those of my eyes rival the angels' tears raining down and scattered here, meant to till the soil and bring it back to life. But if I don't believe in God or angels guarding Heaven's door then from my eyes springs forth the greatest sadness I have ever known. My cup runneth over. I'll stay and soak up the deluge so no one sees the damage left behind by the monsoon. I'll stay and soak up the deluge so no one knows a thing about the truth. Now that I've drunk the rain the soaked the ground, sleeping neighbors hear no sound while I piss away the rain that fell so hard before. And in the morning, the sun will rise so bright. It's rays will sting my reddened eyes. At least I'll know that I kept secret all my cries from them all. My cup runneth over.
5.
It’s a little strange now, having all this time to think about the words to say as I walk to your apartment. I haven’t counted the steps yet, though I know that they’re much more than the few we needed before. The elevator won’t get me there any faster than if I take the stairs. It’s only two minutes, but they drag on; soon enough, I fear it’ll be too far to drive an ocean away. I’ll keep that in mind as I knock on your door today. We could have been neighbors. It’s just not the same without you next door.
6.
Desk Drawer 03:56
Someone once told me the words that I've said found a place to rest and reside inside his head, but the words I want to share the most are the ones he'll never hear. With my eyes cast down I'm sad to admit no one will ever hear my thoughts on the matter. So now I'm trapped by waste bins filled with paper, overflowing with abstractions cut before they had any chance to grow. So perhaps it's time to take out the trash and make room for something new. With my eyes cast down, it pains me to admit this to you: It's too late. So much left to say, no one left to say it.

about

Onward was written by Jonathan Cooney over the course of one very tumultuous year and recorded in the corner of a nicely finished basement by Sam Barry.

credits

released November 12, 2013

Jonathan Cooney is No Stranger

Guitar on Warmer in the Water and piano on Alone in a Double-Sized Bed by Sam Barry
Mastering by Ryan Schwabe at the Maniac Mansion
Painting by Dani Leon
Photography by Jonathan Cooney
Design by Christine Fischer and Susan Blumberg

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No Stranger Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Every song is a love song.

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